just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
