I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
