Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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