I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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