You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
