I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dick very happy bro
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
