I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
