Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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