Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
