If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
