I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.