i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.