I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
