I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
