No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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