the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
