phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
