Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
