I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
