with your own penis?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
