he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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