If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
