After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
