The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
