I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You made out with two different species that night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.