Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pappa wants mamma naked

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  (847): Pappa wants mamma naked http://tfl.nu/uc4c
  Replies (5) Good night (1152) Bad night (859)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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  (806): How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her? http://tfl.nu/a3s8
  Replies (78) Good night (677) Bad night (7652)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.

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  (614): Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis. http://tfl.nu/937p
  Replies (25) Good night (2535) Bad night (899)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Haha, bad night?

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  (617): guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS. (508): Haha, bad night? http://tfl.nu/huzs
  Replies (144) Good night (1451) Bad night (16850)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

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  (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z
  Replies (197) Good night (10822) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.

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  (401): okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly. http://tfl.nu/8lsw
  Replies (20) Good night (4473) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.

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  (832): I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water. http://tfl.nu/tyil
  Replies (6) Good night (1563) Bad night (1295)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong

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  (610): At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong http://tfl.nu/hvr0
  Replies (5) Good night (1141) Bad night (524)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"

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  (956): You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night" http://tfl.nu/lqee
  Replies (7) Good night (1135) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night

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  (517): I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night http://tfl.nu/097x
  Replies (2) Good night (626) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  That accounts for only three of the penises

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  (212): That accounts for only three of the penises http://tfl.nu/jbaz
  Replies (6) Good night (691) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused

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  (781): So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused http://tfl.nu/u6gk
  Replies (4) Good night (733) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?

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  (787): Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase? http://tfl.nu/2arz
  Replies (1) Good night (590) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  So when can I meet her?

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  (505): There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker. (1-505): So when can I meet her? http://tfl.nu/qfle
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.

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  (805): Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch. http://tfl.nu/6qlc
  Replies (6) Good night (711) Bad night (287)

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