You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.