i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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