I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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