Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
