RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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