party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No subtext here. People are naked.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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