she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
