god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
