Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
