Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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