i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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