FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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