I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
