I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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