So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize