just tell him i said nine months
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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