in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
