don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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