I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize