So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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