cat food counts as protein by the way
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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