today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
