I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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