she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
