This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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