Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
