can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
