the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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