His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
