apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
