Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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