..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You ruined the universe
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
