i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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