hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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