Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
