So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
