i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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