if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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