I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
