first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
