i don't like sucking hair
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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