Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
