The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
