ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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