I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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