I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
