The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
