I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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