Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
