Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
