Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
