Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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